Partnerships are gorgeously distinct, occasionally chaotic, and nearly always a chance for personal development. A new relationship should be exhilarating, but when one person has recently ended a relationship, things can feel a little more challenging. That is referred to be a rebound relationship, which isn’t always a positive one.
According to Elizabeth Fedrick, PhD, a licensed professional counselor and the founder of Evolve Counseling & Behavioural Health Services in Arizona, a rebound relationship is simply one that someone enters right away after another, frequently serious or long-term, relationship ends. It’s a relationship that people frequently utilize as a diversion or a means of avoiding feelings, she says. That often indicates that a person hasn’t fully moved on from their former.
Although each relationship is unique, those with an anxious attachment style — someone who desires closeness, connection, and has a hard time being alone — are more likely to rebound after a breakup, says Dr. Fedrick. This is what you need to know about what a rebound relationship looks like, the risks of getting into one, and what to do if you suspect you or your partner might be rebounding.
If you’re the one who’s rebounding, a big warning sign is if you can’t stop thinking about your ex, Dr. Fedrick explains. That might be harder to spot than you’d think. So besides just noticing that your former partner is on your mind, other flags you can watch for are if you catch yourself comparing partners (either favourable or not), internally or out loud; if you fantasize about getting back together with your ex; if you try to find excuses to run into your ex; and if you spend a lot of time on your ex’s social profiles.
Being hypercritical of your new partner can also be a sign of a rebound. “It’s usually on an unconscious level that you’re trying to sabotage [the relationship] if you know this isn’t a good fit for you,” Dr. Fedrick explains.
If you’re someone else’s rebound, you might notice your partner constantly talking about their ex, finding reasons to run into or spend time with them, comparing you often, or bringing up the past relationship a lot (“This was our favourite restaurant”), Dr. Fedrick says. You may also notice your partner is not emotionally invested or available, or they find ways to avoid emotional or physical intimacy. “On the flip side, if the relationship is almost all focussed on sex, that’s another sign that it’s more of a rebound because you’re not going deep emotionally and keeping it more surface level,” Dr. Fedrick adds.
