You could argue that by the time I became pregnant with my third—and current—surrogate child for another family, I had (maternity support) experience with surrogacy. I was aware of the differences between an independent and an agency travel and that each had a set of advantages and disadvantages. I had an idea of what to anticipate from intended parents; some still give me birthday cards, while others are more formal. And I was aware of the requirements for a healthy pregnancy.
Perhaps most significantly, I am aware of my initial motivation for choosing surrogacy: In order to assist those who are unable to have the children they so desperately desire (Editor’s note: Gestational surrogacy is a procedure in which a woman carries and delivers a child for another family. A gestational carrier can become pregnant with a donor egg through embryo transfer, however a surrogate can only conceive using their own eggs. Although she is not genetically linked to the embryo, Ashley chooses to use the term “surrogate” when describe her experience. (The phrases “surrogate” and “gestational carrier” are occasionally used interchangeably, though.)
In 2012, a friend was the one who initially introduced me to surrogacy. She was due a few days before me, and I was pregnant with my second child, so we were both expecting. Yet she didn’t reveal to me that she was having a kid for someone else until later on in our pregnancies. Yeah, that’s wonderful, I recalled thinking, and I just filed it away for further consideration. We had the opportunity to go through our pregnancies side by side, and I was able to gain knowledge about her motivations, the family she was working with, and what was—or wasn’t—working for her surrogacy experience. I realized at the time that I would love to assist a family in that way if I could.
At the time, a surrogate pregnancy was a “someday” for me. My husband Kris and I weren’t quite done building our own family, so we decided to wait a bit before pursuing surrogacy. But after our third child arrived in August 2014, I knew our family was complete. So, I began earnestly considering surrogacy.
Still, I gave my young family—I had three little ones under the age of four—time to find our groove. It wasn’t until April 2017 that Kris and I began to pursue an agency journey.
